my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
The best revenge is premature balding
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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