you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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