Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
We need to get me chipped asap
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
