You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
