We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
