why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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