Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
