So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
