DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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