I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
