How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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