There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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