Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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