update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
