No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
The air was thick with penises
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
