chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Randomize
