don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
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