hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Well I just put wine in my tea
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
