Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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