um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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