Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
