So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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