Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
