Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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