Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
