did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
