Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
