True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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