my mouth tastes like poor choices
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
