Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
