porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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