The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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