in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
