She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I need a hoe opinion
go on
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
