I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
