I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
