if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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