We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
