sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I would ride that face into the sunset
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
