Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
