Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
