I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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