And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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