Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
it's great music for shaving your balls
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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