woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
The police scanner is talking about you again....
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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