somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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