we made out on top of his cat.
please come you make the beer taste better
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
