um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
