Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
