Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
True strength comes from lack of pants
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
