Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
