if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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