I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
