ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
