john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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