I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
