9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
